Aid in the Shade

So, I didn't get the Terry scholarship, which pretty much sucks because it means I'll actually have to get loans for college. Good news, my aid package from UT has minimal loans, but still covers at least my first year there, so score. OMG, gambas al ajillo was on Iron Chef: America.
Ok, but I am so excited to actually be this far along in the process of going to college.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Follow with Conditional Love

Guns don't kill people, people kill people. People are so fatal that they don't even need guns. I think I have finally learned that nobody is ever alone, and that everything you do affects someone else. I really don't want to end all my friendships, but they seem to be coming to a natural close. In my entire life, I have never felt more abandoned than I do at this moment. Whether it's guys or girls, I always seem to love somebody that can't ever love me in return. It is not that they don't want to I am sure, it is that they are physically incapable.
There is nothing more devastating to one's pride and self worth than to be betrayed, led on, and abandoned. And Chris, if you read this, Disturbia was not good at all, it was only disturbing. Why I was surprised to see that a movie called Disturbia was, in fact, disturbing, I'm not sure, but I was.

So Long, but not farewell

I think more has happened in the past month or so than I would have ever imagined.
I always felt that I would end up going to UT, but I never imagined that I would be in such great programs. I have probably told everybody that I can that I'm getting a business honors and a plan II honors degree in 5 years because I could never pass up the chance to boast :-)
What makes me even happier (in the worst way) is when people that I don't like have to settle for a crappy college. Does that make me a bad person...I don't care. However, I am so afraid of having to start all over and make new friends, but I hope it'll work out better in college than in this crap town. Who knows how many guard guys I'll meet to add to the 3 existing ones.
For those of you out of the loop, here is a breakdown of the gayest people we meet:

1) Fruty McChildMolester hangs out at Brookshires late at night and frightens Jessica while Parris is passed out and drooling on my lap

2) Guard Guys: Currently there are 3-- Zach, the guard captain at Abeliene Wiley, Some guy from Impulse the DCI corps, and Carl from Whitesboro. As we meet them, the list grows

3) Happy McTennisShoes is the really happy guy that helped run the most recent OAP contest that was held in Princeton. He is too happy for his own good.

I often have to remember that I am still in high school and need to finish enjoying my time here despite the fact that on any given day I feel ostrasized by my own friends. Nobody ever tells you how to deal with coming into your own and dealing with things that may never change. Not to mention the fact that I feel like shit due to the fact that I am really excited that the One Act Play is going so far, but that I am hardly even a part of it. It takes a lot to keep my ego and pride at bay.

I would like to say that I am totally loving Cain's friend John, and I hope he comes to Prom. Speaking of which, I need 700 dollars to pull off everything I want for prom, how rediculous is that.

Since nobody really reads this, I feel somewhat confident in saying that some people just have to get over themselves. If 23 out of 24 hours in the day you act like a complete asshole and the only reason people tolorate you is because they are forced to be around you.

Finally, to my fairest, I have to implore you hereby the fluency of text to align your wayward desires and to open your eyes to your great worth and never to settle for something that doesn't match the value sewn in your footsteps.

Tomorrow I have my interview with the Terry Foundation. If it goes well, I will get a full ride scholarship to UT with living expenses for up to 6 years. Wish me luck.

Some People Never Change

I'm sick of people telling me what I want to hear. I just want to be real sometimes. Some people think that they can seduce their problems away, that simply the passage of time will fix all their problems. Time does not always mean progress. Even when you think that you situation is looking up, and things will finally change in your favor, all that is obliterated by selfishness and lack of understanding. Some people don't know how to show that they care.

Take control of me

Does everybody feel like their friends are always changing. Like suddenly nobody is who you thought they were? What's worse is when you step back and wonder if they are the one's who are changing or if it's you. Maybe you aren't the same person, and you need different things from people now. The people you always felt right with somehow are wrong now. It makes me just want to be rid of this place.

I wish I didn't care what others thought of me, but I do.

Open Wide

I've just noticed that it's nearly a requirement for a group of people to be laughing in alcohol ads (with the exception of beer). This drew my attention becauseI just watched a Disarano commercial that tries very hard to be seductive and serious, then the last second is a flash of people laughing, and I just love how it preys on the misery of the target clientelle.

Speaking of alcohol, the new mint mohito flavor of Orbit is pretty kick-ass. I must admit that it's my favorite gum.