Apparently, Australia is in need of a football player like me

I received some time ago a letter asking me to participate in a world football cup held in Australia wherein I would be a representative of Texas. Here is a clickable pic in which you can read the whole thing. I cannot believe how an organization could be more off the mark, and where they got the idea that I cared about sports...

To be random, Conan just referenced an earlier interview with Alan Cumming while interviewing Stephen Colbert. And, Ima Robot is currently my favorite band (this is subject to the whims of my fancy). I have to see Smokin' Aces and Alpha Dogs.