Dry Paint and Other Short Stories 3RD EDITION!!
Its been awhile! I've been working with my father so I can fund my summer existence. I hate the smell of paint.Things I Hate About Being Human
Taling to people in clothing stores (esp. in the mall)
Being keenly aware of insects (I think all insects have it out for the human race)
Weird nipples (humans have the weirdest looking nipples of any animal)
Shaving (anywhere)
Movies Currently (or near currently) in Theaters that are Remakes
The Longest Yard (Prison Comedy?)
The Honeymooners (now with an entirely black cast)
Bewitched (remake about a remake)
The Bad News Bears (Did that have to be made in the first place?)
The Dukes of Hazzard (Ditto, but with the added crappiness of Jessica Simpson)
War of the Worlds (You know how I feel about that)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Tim Burton + Johnny Depp - Gene Wilder + British kid from Finding Neverland / Pasty complexion x Bh = acceptable remake)
Herbie: Fully Loaded (Kill me now) (After Parent Trap and Mean Girls, she really can't top herself)
You can never really enjoy these movies because you know what happens
from David Letterman:
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At A July Fourth Barbecue
10. "Beef is great, but squirrel's so much cheaper"
9. "Take a photo of me lighting this cigar with an M-80"
8. "To give it a little 'kick,' I put charcoal starter in the punch"
7. "Oh God, Letterman's shirtless again"
6. I'd like to tell you why scientology is so important to me"
5. "Hey look, it's Earnest Borgnine--oh, sorry lady"
4. "All right, detainees, line up over here for your gitmo-style powdered baked beans"
3. "I'm afraid the only fireworks tonight are between me and your wife"
2. "My hot dog has a knuckle"
1. "I don't think that's mayonnaise in the cole slaw"
Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor is Batman
10. Always complaining about his "rubber suit rash"
9. When you mention Superman, he rolls his eyes and mutters, "pantywaist"
8. His teen son drove to the prom in the Batmobile
7. Is re-roofing his house to fix loose shingles and grappling hook damage
6. Who's banging on his door at 4 AM but an angry, knocked-up Catwoman
5. Introduces his parents--Carl and Linda Batman
4. You hear him on the phone asking J. Crew if they carry seersucker cowls
3. On Thanksgiving, you see green lantern holding a JELL-O mold
2. When he goes on vacation, asks if you'll water his plants and grease his bat pole (that sounds a little suspicious--greasing the bat pole, what could that be implying)
1. He's a recluse in a weird outfit with a young sidekick ( Sorry, that's a sign your neighbor is Michael Jackson)
Top Ten Signs You've Got A Bad Summer Job
10. You have a 40-hour week schedule, but you only work Monday and Tuesday
9. You greet customers by saying, "Hi, welcome to Kenny's Rotting Shellfish Shack"
8. Interviewer asks if you know how to type, take dictation and dispose of a body
7. Donald Trump hired you as apprentice in charge of checking hairpiece for ticks
6. Sign in bathroom reads: Employees must wash manager
5. Asked if your sense of taste has been destroyed by the asbestos yet
4. You're posing for "before" photos for diet plans, dermatologists, and plastic surgery
3. The commissary's chowder is made form broiled wite-out
2. Employer contacts you daily via satellite phone from undisclosed location in mountainous region of Afghanistan
1. Eight hours a day, Russell Crowe throws stuff at you.
Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity
10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO
9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina
8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama
7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game
6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image
5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer
4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers
3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady
2. Resign
1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes
The Formula for Any Great Film
Nudity (Doesn't have to be full, just something simple like removing a shirt)
Children (but not nude children)(Good Morning Vietnam was good in spite of the nude children)
Recognition of the superiority of the Japanese
British People (optional, but great)
A funny, crazy person (a must)(crazy describing their demeanor, not pshyco killer crazy)
Surefire Ways to Make Money in a Bathroom
Sell Chewable Toothbrushes
Sell Tampons and/or Condoms
Play a guitar for tips
Pretend to be a blind bathroom attendant
Pick people's pocket at the urinal (you need less skill as people are paying less attention to their surroundings, the pants are generally looser on the person, and it's hard for them to stop what they are doing if they catch you, giving you a head start)
Stare at people in the stall until they pay you to stop
Purposely buy all the tampons in the little dispenser, then pretend to have the only one left and sell it to the highest bidder
Movie Review: War of the Worlds
It really wasn't bad. There were some parts that did not make any sense. For example, at one point he meets up with someone who is apparently a friend, but then leaves her behind (I didn't get her purpose). What happens with the son seems a little odd, too. The martians look like big, cute crickets--not very imposing. They cut out the roles of the narrator's brother and the curate as well as the use of the black smoke. Tom Cruise's performance as a father during the attack on the world by martians is a little unbelievable. Morgan Freeman's godlike voice boomed and made me jump both times he spoke. The arrival of the Martians is also different from the book. All in all, the movie has retained absolutely no pollitical statement from the book, and much of the book was changed for the movie. Oh yeah, and their escape wagon was pretty crappy, too. Rating from 1(crap)-10(must buy it when it comes out on DVD): 6.5
posted by Andrew at 4:59 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
When I bought my copy for English from Half-Price Books, the cashier guy started talking to me about the movie and how much it was going to suck because they aren't following the book at all. I'm assuming he was right. Let me guess, like so many other movies, they stole the title and the basic gist of the plot that makes the title make sense. In this case, martians did attack the Earth and were wiped out in the end by diseases, correct? I haven't seen it, but despite it's inaccuracies, it does not look bad.
It wasn't too crappy, and if it was on sale, I might buy it on DVD. You are very correct, Brian. I think that there might have been a better person for Tom Cruise's role.
The rumor is that Tom Cruise paid Katy Holmes (that is her name, right?) $8,000,000 to marry him because he was trying to save face after being caught in bed with a prominent rock star...by the rock star's wife! So if he is gay, maybe that is why Nicole wouldn't say why they split--and maybe that's why they adopted.
and War of the Worlds did fulfill the provisions of my list.
I'm with Julia, I didn't know about the nipples, but oh well...
I want to go see War of the Worlds, even if it was semi-crappy, I love sci-fi
You should hide a camera in the bathroom pointed at you when you try that stuff...its probably a lot better than paint
The book was a little difficult to follow, and we did all fall asleep several times while reading it, but with Andrew reading it to us, it worked rather well. It was like a bedtime story, and we all fell asleep at the end. Especially Jennifer.
I do want to see the movie. But I'm all alone. I can't go to the movies by myself for two reasons. 1) I don't have a car or a liscence yet & 2) Going to the movies alone is both stupid and sad.
This is why the summer bothers me. I enjoy the not being in school part, but the sitting around doing nothing, or working all the time part really isn't terribly appealing.
Andrew, we never did go see Monster in Law after leadership camp. What happened?
Honestly, if it weren't for the Parents' Night Out things, I don't think I'd actually be in contact with anyone over the summer.
Brian, call me and we'll see War of the Worlds. I did make up the lists myself. The hardest thing about the book was the loooong sentences. I liked the crappy movie that we watched in English. Another thing that made the movie bad was that I knew what was going to happen.
I honestly think that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will not quite be able to be as good as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory because of the lack of Gene Wilder. That and the Oompa Loompas look quite freaky in their silver foilish jump suits. What happened to the orange faces, white overalls, and green hair?
Of course, Johnny Depp would probably be quite suitable for the scene when they're in the boat going through the tunnel. Creepy.
My mom made us watch The Bad News Bears, and I think it should have had a spot on Becky's "Worst Movies" list instead of Zoolander.
I also did not think, as you know, that this Batman movie would be able to top, or even compare to the others (the first 2) because of the lack of Michael Keaton. The other 2 that he wasn't in weren't nearly as good as the first 2.
I also posted a comment in response to Becky! I said that there probably wasn't much mental activity taking place when the originals where made, but that is also gone. Leah, were you responding to my post about Batman? Can you verify its existence? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!
With regard to War of the Worlds, yes, knowing the ending before it happens takes some of the fun out of the movie, unless it's a movie of a book you really like (e.g. I'm never upset that I know how the HP movies turn out).
But then again, they had to know when they started making War of the Worlds that everyone on Earth, whether they had read it or not, knew that the aliens died from diseases. That ending has been talked about too much and used in too many other things to be a surprise to anyone. So that already takes some thrill out of the movie because the book wasn't that great to begin with, and taking away the "surprise" of the ending doesn't help it any.
I still want to see it, though, if only to get out of the house with other people aside from the Parents' Night Out things.
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