America is seeing Red & MORE Funny Stolen Stuff

Since President Bush is currently the President Elect, and everybody is talking about it, (and half the country is infuriated by it), I decided not to dwell on it and say how I knew Bush would win. Instead, I will treat my readers to some humor.

"I Know The Whole Truth"

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."


"Priests On A Beach"

Two priests went to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergymen.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, and sunglasses. The next morning, they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb and relaxed on beach chairs, enjoying drinks, the sunshine and the scenery. Soon a drop-dead gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. When she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." Then she passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits -- these were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them -- and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." She smiled and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it. But I have to know, how in the world did you know?"

"Oh Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"



"Psychology"

The government did a survey on the nations greatest psychologists to see exactly how good they were. They were each given 200 drug addicts, 1 sheet of paper, and a pencil. After a few hours they were called back in and asked how they did. Many had made no progress when one stood up and stated he had gotten 50 to stop drugs immediately. In disbelief he was asked how. Simple he stated, on one side of the paper I drew a circle and said this is your brain. On the other side I drew a very small circle and said this is your brain on drugs. Immediately 50 stopped using drugs. At this time another psychologist stood up and said that's nothing, I got all 200 of my addicts to drop their habits immediately. Then he was asked how. Simple he said, on one side of the paper I drew a circle and said this is your brain. Then on the other side I drew a really big circle and said this is your butt hole when you go to prison.